wordfalls and scatters

I forgot! There is so much! Also:
* TBD and I went to the ticket office and got train tickets, I'm going to take an overnight train with D to Hampi this weekend. I haven't got to do a long train journey before, or see Hampi, so: yay!
* D, who is a beautiful photographer, might be helping me to develop some of my research into a more accessible form. I'm really excited to be working with her, because she does some really awesome photojournalism, and has been totally lovely. If it works out, I'll blog about it on my grownup blog.
* I am going to do some work now, for real.

This morning I went to yoga with my friend D, which was great - doable, but hard enough that it took all of my thinking, and left me nothing for Fretting. After breakfast (she made uppma for breakfast! I am so spoiled!) I cycled home on the awesome Indian bike D has acquired for his house/commune/office/activist centre. It is huge, and single-gear, and very solid. I am as high up as if I was standing on a chair!

Yoga + cycling + feeling a little better at Getting Around is helping me feel better about the world. And I know such lovely people here! Hangouts with D and TBD (usually when I have vowed to get an early night or spend the evening working) have been keeping me sane through my Frets, and tonight I'm going to go visit my friends R and J, who I haven't managed to see since I came here. And there are still two or three other friends (at least!) who I really want to catch up with...juggling full-time work in Australia and trying to find my feet with research here and also handling all the hassles of being in a new country* is proving challenging, but I think I'll manage it.

Plus also:
* Interesting talks (for different reasons) last night and today!
* I have so many people and organisations I want to talk to here! It is time to start organising interviews!
* I have so much stuff I want to write about!
* Bicyclesbicyclesbicyclesbicycles!


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* By this, I mostly mean: "being in a new country where your stupid bank has stopped your card, failed to communicate with you effectively about it, and then sent the new card to Australia without asking or telling you". It is turning into a hobby, in the realm of inevitably-fruitless pursuits like fly-fishing or golf or writing letters to local newspapers. The latest development is: I call Mastercard helpline to get an international emergency cash withdrawal. They say: yes! Of course! Right away! No return call. I call them back. They say: yes! Of course! Right away! Eventually they call me back with the name and address of the bank I need to go to. I go to the bank. The bank insists that not only have they not received any fax about this, but giving cash withdrawals without a card is not something they do. I call Mastercard and explain the situation, they ask to speak to the bank manager and then the line cuts out. Mastercard call me, but I can't hear them. I go home. Two hours later, Mastercard call me and say they have the name and address of the bank I need to go to. It is the same as the bank I have just gone to. I explain the situation. They say: we'll call right back.             Don't worry, though! D has said he can lend me money, and I'll transfer it to him from my account once I sort out this ridiculousness.

* The strangenesses and the people: last night we went to a photography exhibit, by surprise - I was all set to spend the evening working on an article submission. The woman we went with was kind enough to let me crash the post-exhibit drinks while my friend D. went to a family thing. We went to a jazz-themed bar, and I got an incredible sense of culture shock when I realised that despite all of the "no smoking" signs, people were smoking! inside! in a covered area! with food present! I had some lovely offers of further hangouts, including an invitation to meet a collective involved in setting up community radio stations. I might hang out with the woman we went with and D. for holi, which will be nice. I am really looking forward to some more people-time next week, including catching up with old friends, once the workshop is over. I feel very lucky to know Good People here who are helping to look after me.

* Moments in which I feel competent: I spend a lot of time in India feeling kind of useless. Everything is difficult, including carrying out research. I have a few moments, now and then, when I see how it all fits together, and how I'm doing something useful, and I carry them around with me like a security blanket.

* OMG the snacks: you guys. I get to eat masala dosa for breakfast every morning. (I'm not, though. I'm mixing it up with idlis and rava dosas and maybe some other things?) Pretty much every single thing I eat here is the Most Delicious Ever.

* Squirrels! I had forgotten there were squirrels.

Lately, I have not been proud of myself. Not ashamed, either. Just doing my best to manage everything I've committed to in a functional way. Today hasn't felt much like a weekend day, but I've felt pretty good about it. Some days, I can be proud of big achievements. Today, I am proud of:
* Cooking a totally awesome House Breakfast: potatoes sliced and roasted in the oven with oil and spices; butter beans with tomato, onion, and lime juice; scrambled tofu (with nutritional yeast!); steamed spinach; shitake and swiss mushrooms in truffle oil.
* Doing my greek homework, whole days before it was due!
* Finishing a (rough, very awkward) draft of a short story.
* Practising some ukulele, including reading tabs and finger-picking,
* Doing the dishes for my poor hungover housemates.
* Finding some time to be social a little, and go for a couple of short walks in the sunshine.
* Tying up some loose ends for work.

There were other things I hoped I'd get time to do today, and I didn't. And that's okay. This is enough.

Many lovely things are happening in my life, as well as many that are challenging. Some of these have helped me to remember: I need to Make Things to be happy.

I've set up my (KindOf) Grown-Up Website! I wrote some stuff on it, as a way of trying to start organising my thoughts.

On Friday I had band practice*. We recorded some new versions of songs! Liz was very patient and taught me some Difficult Strumming Things, to add to the other Difficult Strumming Things I've been trying to learn from G and J and the Internet.

Last night I went to see Amanda Palmer play. I've been feeling dull lately, and rather awkward, physically. I wanted to play dressups! I took some lovely material that I bought in Pakistan far-too-long ago, and about a billion safety pins, and I made myself a ridiculous skirt with a bustle. (And the AFP ninja gig was ridiculously awesome, but maybe I'll write about that later.)

Tonight I had a skype writing date with one of my distant ladyfriends, and actually wrote a few paragraphs on a couple of stories. Not good paragraphs, but still! They exist, and before they didn't!

All of these things made me feel better. I need to make things. I need to research, I need to write fiction and nonfiction and letters and postcards and stickers to leave for strangers to read. I need to make things with my hands. I need to cook! I need to leave traces of myself in the world, tiny sparks of interest or surprise or colour, to be happy.

I must make time for this to be happy, and so I will.

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* I still have to giggle a little about this.

I am in Tasmania!

The first thing I have learnt about Tasmania, in my careful observations, is that there seem to be more interesting beetles here than in WA.

The second thing that I have learnt is that almost every street we drive down seems to have at least three houses on it that I desperately want to live in. There are lots of old, rambling houses that come in an odd jumble of styles. They seem to be built larger than many houses in WA, but that might just be because I've mostly been in more rural areas.

Today we dropped my brother off at his friends' house. It was raining outside, and we went through the back garden, overgrown grass and sculptures and bathtubs full of herbs and bicycles leaning against walls. The rain dripping through the veranda, and then into the kitchen, and people start coming down the stairs and in from the rain. And the kitchen is so warm and cosy, wood everywhere and a low ceiling and old sofas and a long kitchen table, music playing and bustle.

I really like my brother's friends. One is his very-good-friend-who-he-hasn't-seen-for-months, and I love seeing how happy they are to meet again, all hugs and smiles. I am so proud of my brother for so many reasons, and one of them is that he's good at showing his affection for his man-friends.

Oh! I want to live in a lovely old house with a warm kitchen full of friends-who-live-there and friend-who-drop-in and a shambling garden and the smell of spices!

I love our current house, and our current household, and I am being a bit greedy in wishing for what we have only more so. But there are moments when I do: floating in the lovely space of a cosy kitchen, the rain outside cocooning us, colour and affection everywhere.

My friend Dinesh is visiting from India this weekend. He gets in on Friday afternoon, and leaves early (9amish) on Monday morning. 1) Any chance anyone can help out with lifts to/from the airport? 2) Does anyone want to do Tourist Stuff around Perth over the weekend? Maybe dinner on Saturday night? That is all!

I'm feeling mopey and unmotivated today. There are things that I want to make, and I have a stack of marking that I'm actually really looking forward to getting to, but I'm having trouble finding the energy. So here is another gratitude-ish post!

Things that I have enjoyed of late:
* Talking to my grandparents about Emma Goldman and radical politics and homophobia and apartheid and Greek politics and the Greek/Turkish Thing.
* Marking (yes! my new plan is working!)
* Making more time to read (Currently Emma Goldman's 'Living my life' and David Mitchell's 'Cloud atlas').
* Cooking for people (I still have a long list of people I would like to make dinner for!)

Things that I get an odd kind of pleasure from, even though maybe I shouldn't:
* Wearing pants and my merino shirt until they're grubby.
* Getting swooped by magpies (it makes my cycletrips feel like Adventures!)

I stayed up well past my bedtime last night to finish the last of my marking for this batch*. It made it difficult to wake up early, but it was entirely worth it. I find it much easier to Get Stuff Done late at night. I find the silence of late nights quite different from daytime silences. (Perhaps it's the absence of the hum of cars outside, or perhaps it's just the quality of night.)

I felt so light, and it felt so very wonderful to have time to work on projects that have no particular deadlines and no supervisors except me. I made some little presents for J's birthday, and worked a bit on my Smallest Art project. I talked to people about activism and how to fit into the world and projects and enthusiasm. I wrote some veryverysmall storypoems, and enjoyed it tremendously.

I want all of my life to be like this.

To achieve that, I have to stop thinking of marking as a painful and out-of-the-ordinary event. With the amount of teaching I'm doing at the moment, I will have at least some marking happening most of the time. And I don't want to feel weighed down and fretful most of the time.

So, I need to remember that:
* Marking is part of teaching. An important part, as things are structured now.
* It's nice to give students feedback, especially since there are always a few students who take the advice offered, and even appreciate it.
* Marking can happen in pleasant spaces. I can drink tea on my verandah and mark, or visit a friend, or find a cafe with wifi. Marking can be surrounded by explorations of new places.
* Marking will be much more enjoyable and efficient if I do it in focused batches, without too many distractions. I should remember that if I procrastinate by doing things that I don't love, it is taking away time from the projects that I do love.


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* Well, okay. The last of my marking until more students emailed me late assignments today.

Two batches of marking in at once, both for about four classes, one for a unit I haven't taught before.

And I have so many other projects I want to work on! Little writing things, and my much-overdue small art project, and book proposals, and some newskills learning projects, and ukulele practice.

I will have to be careful to use my time well.