![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rhyllYesterday was not the most fun ever. I'd had about four hours of sleep, and was feeling quite fretful. I put together my workshop presentation, and went for really simplifying it down and also focusing on an aspect of it that I thought needed more work to fit in with the panel topic. I think that ended up being a Mistake, because my work ended up sounding very shallow and uninformed. Given how fragile I feel about my work here, it really played into all of my insecurities: that I'm not doing good work, that my work might not be useful, that doing fieldwork without being able to speak the language is ridiculous, etc.
It will be okay! I've thought about most of these issues, and have made my peace with them. I'd rather do research that's more informed by what's happening around the world than stick to spaces where I know my way around, for example. I am doing my best with research, and it will never be perfect, but I am trying. And there are moments when I'm very proud of what I've done, and sure that it has the potential to be useful in the world.
But nevermind all that. That should go on my grownup blog, right? (Except, of course, that I am having trouble thinking how to phrase an entry that's all "ZOMG do I suck? I totally suck, right? I hope I don't suck." in a grownup way.) My point is: I was having a rough day.
I wanted to go home after the workshop, but TBD. pointed out that there was a little artists' residence on the roof above the art gallery where the workshop was held. It was one of the most beautiful spaces I've ever been in - something about the way it all fit together tidily and the light and the way the rooms connected made me fall instantly in love with it. Then instantly asleep on my face.
And when I woke up TBD. gave me Delicious Milk Drink*, and I got a lovely long email from PinkHairClaire, and some guys turned up with drums, and A. (a Swedish lady staying here) pulled me up to dance for a bit, and then I played a bit of capoeira, and my new friend-who-is-a-lady, D., turned up and we all went and ate some delicious snacks, and then D. and I spent ages sitting up on the roof looking for songs that she knew how to sing and I knew how to play on my ukulele...
...and I felt much better about the world.
I am very lucky with the people that I meet.
-----
* I am not being vegan here. I am avoiding eggs, but it feels silly to say no to milk that is delivered by a guy whose cow lives just across the road from us and eats our food scraps.
It will be okay! I've thought about most of these issues, and have made my peace with them. I'd rather do research that's more informed by what's happening around the world than stick to spaces where I know my way around, for example. I am doing my best with research, and it will never be perfect, but I am trying. And there are moments when I'm very proud of what I've done, and sure that it has the potential to be useful in the world.
But nevermind all that. That should go on my grownup blog, right? (Except, of course, that I am having trouble thinking how to phrase an entry that's all "ZOMG do I suck? I totally suck, right? I hope I don't suck." in a grownup way.) My point is: I was having a rough day.
I wanted to go home after the workshop, but TBD. pointed out that there was a little artists' residence on the roof above the art gallery where the workshop was held. It was one of the most beautiful spaces I've ever been in - something about the way it all fit together tidily and the light and the way the rooms connected made me fall instantly in love with it. Then instantly asleep on my face.
And when I woke up TBD. gave me Delicious Milk Drink*, and I got a lovely long email from PinkHairClaire, and some guys turned up with drums, and A. (a Swedish lady staying here) pulled me up to dance for a bit, and then I played a bit of capoeira, and my new friend-who-is-a-lady, D., turned up and we all went and ate some delicious snacks, and then D. and I spent ages sitting up on the roof looking for songs that she knew how to sing and I knew how to play on my ukulele...
...and I felt much better about the world.
I am very lucky with the people that I meet.
-----
* I am not being vegan here. I am avoiding eggs, but it feels silly to say no to milk that is delivered by a guy whose cow lives just across the road from us and eats our food scraps.