wordfalls and scatters

It feels like there's a lot going on around here. The last week or so has been slightly less rushed than usual, and I've felt like I've had a little time to catch up with a few of the many people on my to-see list, and do a few of the things on my to-do list. Sadly, today I've taken stock of everything that needs to happen over the next month or so, and have realised that it's rather daunting.

To do:
* Read over my conference paper and check that it makes sense (reviewer #1 seems to think so).
* Prepare two lectures, with enough time for practice/quiet reflection that I am unlikely to freak out beforehand.
* Keep up with reading for the classes I'm teaching at UWA.
* Start teaching new "Intro to the Internet" course at Curtin.
* Make (minor) changes to thesis draft suggested by SupervisorfaceOne, and (more extensive) changes suggested by SupervisorfaceTwo. There will be a Deadline for this, as one of my examiners is very busy and important and therefore needs to know the exact date on which she will receive the manuscript. Eep.
* Organise speakers, format, publicity, etc for our next Bluestocking event.

I feel relatively calm about all of this. I have no idea how I will get all of this done...in fact, just thinking about finishing my thesis is very daunting, it feels like there's so much concentrating to be done and so much holding-of-the-shape-of-it-in-my-head. But I'm going to break it all down into small chunks, and keep up with the relatively healthy patterns that I've managed to build up, and I think it'll be okay.

Some things that are nice:
* I have been cycling to new places, and to places that are much further than I would usually go. On Saturday my bicycle tyre went flat, so I had to walk home from Subi with all the shopping - it was actually not too painful. I fixed it (and got grease *everywhere*), and was pleased that the repair held for a 26k round trip. But inexplicably it went flat again today, sitting around in the back yard. Why? So strange! So I walked home from Greek class tonight, and although it is much further than I would usually walk it was quite lovely.
* I have been having good, though limited, people-time. My family is pretty awesome, I think I have mentioned this before. And I have a lot of ridiculously lovely people in my life. And this weekend is crafternoon, and I get pretty excited about crafternoon!

That is enough for now, right? Right.

I am feeling rather the opposite of 'on top of things'.

* I did a section of last year's Greek exam last night in class. It was a comprehension exercise in which one had to fill in blanks in a letter with words from a list. I got 8 out of 13, which is good, but I couldn't really work out what the letter was about, which is bad. I am pretty sure, at this stage, that if I pass it will be a) only just, and b) a very baffling experience for me. My vocabulary is just too small. Still, I have two weeks until the test, so I guess I can still do a little more catching up.

* My thesis is going, but always more slowly than I would like. I am trying to write the last section of my first chapter at the moment, because I deleted the previous version of it (for good reasons). But then the rewrite I attempted over the last couple of days also had to be deleted. And... *sigh*

* Teaching is somewhat painful at the moment. The area I'm teaching is not my specialty, and I'm trying to restrict the time spent preparing to a sensible amount, which means I spend much of the class saying 'that's a good question, I don't know. Why don't you guys look it up?' I have no fundamental problem with this approach, but it gets a little discouraging for me at times.

* There are many people who I am not seeing nearly as often as I'd like. Right now, my weekday evenings are full from Monday to Thursday, I do greek homework every morning, and I have teaching prep and greek homework to do on the weekends. Trying to see everyone that I want to see is hard!

* Other bits and pieces: bluestocking has been somewhat neglected as I don't have internet at home right now. Kate put up a good entry on creating community cohesion on the blog, and Shae's also been doing a bit here and there, so I don't feel too bad. A couple of my articles have come up on ActNow, one on facebook stuff and one on online communities.

Overall, despite feeling a bit overwhelmed, I am not feeling too stressed. I am reminding myself that things sometimes take longer than you would like, and that not everything can be done brilliantly, and that's okay.

* I am going to be in Sydney between 18th and 24th of February. Actually, I will mostly be in Armidale or doing a workshop during that time, but I will be free the evening of the 20th, I think. Does anyone want to have dinner/put me up? (Also: are any of you guys in Sydney?)
* My brother is quite wonderful. He told me a story about his mice: his house has lots of mice. They like to hide behind the microwave, and poop. So, one day they used the microwave, and a poor little mouse came staggering out and died a dramatic death. Very upsetting! After considering the problem carefully, they got rid of the microwave, because who wants such a terrible killer in the house? Now the mouse hang out somewhere different, and more hidden, and everyone's happy. For some reason I find this story very cheering. It reminds me that people are not so bad, after all.
* My family is pretty excellent, did I mention? I like Παπού playing tavli with Ms N and debating, Γιαγιά's stories and her popping some dessert into Ms N's mouth mid-sentence, Byron's attempts to lure Brotherdear or J into playing with him, Strati's standard response to Relationship News ("well, when are you bringing them around?"), Lorraine's quiet strength, GirlCousins' willingness to debate ethics and morality, Motherdear's automatic carbon-neutralling of my flights, Fatherdear's continual attempts to work out where he is and where he wants to be. I am very lucky!
* Ms L came around the other night to work on my story. It's quite wonderful to write with/for someone who's that expressive - I am usually so nervous when someone reads my work with me near, but I really enjoy all of her laughing and approval-faces and questions. Also, it is fun to make demands like, "draw a thing here that is like a rubbish bin crossed with a cloud, but sparkly".
* A couple of nights ago I had a dream that my first complete thesis-draft was finished. It still had lots of 'insert research here' bits, but it felt so amazingly good. Like a dream about flying, where you're simultaneously surprising that you can do and at how wonderful it is.
* A couple of nights ago I had a dream about

I had a lot of people-time this weekend, and it's been awfully fun. I've been hanging out with Office-Mate-Nath, who is lovely and clever and fun, and I also met her friend Helen, who is similarly wonderful. *waves* I've also had family-time, and not-so-new-friend time, and have felt terribly appreciative of the amazing people that I have around me.

Oddly, perhaps, my people-worry has also been rather high - I seem to be spending an awful lot of time fretting that I have offended people, or talked too much, etc etc. Increasingly, this seems like something that I really should work out how to do less. It is not the most fun ever.

I have been thinking that perhaps the reason I'm fretting so much is because my anxiety levels are generally high, what with the thesis-worry getting larger every day. I really do need to finish it soon. Hopefully now that I'm not teaching it will be easier to get on with writing.

Today I feel productive - I finished my marking, and now I'm going to do my Greek homework and then get on with writing. And I have an office-mate today, so the office doesn't feel all abandoned. Hurrah!

Last night I had a dream that I was hanging out with Ms. S. Think-Tank, and we were going to work on our theses together. Don't worry though, gentle readers, there was some excitement in the dream: I found some marigold seeds, and planted them.

*sigh*

Supervisorface has requested Current Chapter by Thursday, neatened and restructured or not. I am hoping to avoid the humiliation of handing it in its current form.

Mostly, I am trying to cheer myself up with thoughts of gardening (and Galapagos tortoises, but that's another story). This weekend, or maybe the next one, brotherdear might come over and help me plant some corn and, um, whatever one plants in this season. Also, cycling to uni through King's Park is lovely right now - wildflower season! Hurrah!

Also: Flora's Dare arrived. I am being good and saving it for post-chapter treat number #2.

Ok! Back to work!