wordfalls and scatters

* Our beautiful house, which is full of sudden morning singalongs in silly voices and tidy spaces and care. And also occasionally when you come home someone will hide behind the door in a ghost costume and jump out and yell 'boo!'. (This has only happened once, actually. I worry that it may happen again.)
* I gave a lecture tonight, as part of the evening extension course we're running. It went well, and I didn't fret about it or spend too much time preparing (because I didn't have time to). We have made this small space that works well and is cosy and interesting, and people speak and eat snacks and thank us repeatedly after each session.
* My greek teacher saw me on TV (not sure which station) at an activist event, and when I explained to him why I was there he said he was proud of us, he's happy that people are trying to fix things.
* I helped a stranger on the Internet today. It only took five minutes of my time, but it was helpful and they were happy and could get on with their work, and it made my afternoon better.
* Work is difficult, at the moment. I'm doing a thing I've never done before, and some days I am terribly anxious about it. But I also have times (like much of today) when I'm excited about how to fit it all together.
* So many lovely people, including many who I don't see nearly often enough.

My week has been full of minor inconveniences. First world problems, and not even particularly dramatic ones. My bike tyre was flat. I couldn't find my tyre levers. The glue in my puncture kit was hard. My shoe broke. The library I went to work in had no power points. Work has provided a thousand small barriers to an enjoyable week, including continued (and increasing) uncertainty about my job.

I've managed it all okay, I think. I've accepted that I'll get less done than I wanted to, that everything will take longer. That instead of doing ALL the marking, I will do most of the marking but also catch the bus to the bike store and get a new puncture kit and catch the bus back and repair my tyre, and glory in having a bike that goes again. And working on my journal article and my plans for India and my book proposal will wait for another time. And the emails that are piling up will get answered.

I have been feeling all fuzzy in my mind, and awkward in my body, and uncomfortable in odd and unplaceable ways.

I am grateful for:
* The lovely people in my life, friends and family and loved ones, and the patience they have with my inability to find the time I want to spend with everyone.
* That all the things I am overwhelmed by are things I want to be doing.
* Bicycles and ukuleles.
* A care package from my mother, which arrived in the mail today! (I will be good, and wait for next week to open it.)
* Our cat and kitten, who come and flop down in the room where I'm working and watch me as they fall asleep.

A household breakfast.

Darning and mending while eating snacks and chatting with my ladyfriends. Pleasant on many levels, including the fact that darning and mending for J and the Goslings makes me feel like I am showing my care for them in quiet and tender ways.

Chats and tea with J.

Ukulele.

Making things.

Writing in my journal, which has good paper, with my nice pen.

I am feeling rather dispirited today. I am finding Thesis Stress and Recent Events a bit tough, but I suspect it is largely because I am having trouble sleeping properly (because of the heat?) So today is a day for a 5 Things To Be Happy About entry:

1. I am visiting (mostly) Greek family on Sunday. I haven't had time to trek out to their place yet, so I am really looking forward to seeing everyone in a relaxed, hanging-about kind of way.
2. I have been doing fairly well on the living-in-a-way-I-can-be-quietly-proud-of front. I have been cycling places, and working hard, and cooking with people, and generally Getting Things Done (Ethically). I feel a little guilty about the upcoming flight to Sydney and Armidale, but neither is too frivolous so I think I can live with it for now.
3. I still feel a little unsettled about people, possibly because I haven't had enough time to see some of my Lovely People. But on the plus side, I have had some very nice people-time lately, and I feel like I've been doing okay at Doing Nice Things for Nice People, which is one of my current goals.
4. Our Informal Think Tank is well on the way to being formalised. We are now incorporated (I think). I set us up with a website, and a blog, and emails and all that. We've started putting some content up, but I don't think it's quite ready to link to yet. I am excited about doing potentially grown-up work with my group of wonderful friends/fellow-researchers.
5. I have been Fretting about my thesis, mainly because I am a little worried that no-one will ever care for it and it will die alone and unloved. But still! I have been forcing myself to work on it, even when I feel tired and unmotivated and bad at concentrating. I wrote about a thousand words today, and the same yesterday, and although I don't feel they are glittering gems, they are at least words on a page that can be edited.

and one more!
6. Things are starting to happen with ActNow. Another one of my stories is up, and I am going to Sydney in a couple of weeks for the workshop. It feels a bit exciting to be making my living (such as it is) from writing.