i was sick, but now i'm better, and there's work to do.

[rhyll]

It's hard to do all the things i need to do, when my brain is trying its best to cripple me. Or, since i'm trying to avoid the mind-body-self division...when somehow i seem to be shooting myself in the foot for much of the time.

I haven't felt great for the last few days. I made myself go to capoeira (usually helps), and ended up with a headache bad enough that i went and cried in the toilets for a while (see, i can admit that because i'm confidence with my masculinity...or something like that...) Walked home feeling sooky, trying very hard to open my eyes wide and breathe in the night air and see the sky and the trees.

I got some tending, which helped.

And today I've had enough of all the sad. Today is the day for back on my feet, and back to work.

Competing explanations for all the sad, possible solutions:
Not taking care of myself: eat properly, get exercise, drink enough water.
Too many things to be stressed about: don't fret about things i can't do anything about. get more work done. remember that i just have to try, for capoeira, and if i look like an idiot or don't get as good as i'd like to be...well, that's why i make myself do activities like capoeira.
Regular, boring, low-grade depression: remember that it comes, and, more importantly, goes. exercise. not letting it shape how i see everything else in my life. eat properly. look at the world with wonder. breathe deep. all that.
A lack of things to be excited about: remember wonderful people in my life, and make my time with them special. Get in touch with people again. write. paint. get into my work.

ok. there. now, don't fret.

It will all be fine, i've decided.

Comments

[fatwalrus.livejournal.com]

Ahhh! but if you were really confident in your masculinity would you have felt the need to go to the bathroom to cry in the firstplace? Personally I never cry im that tough.. I just occationally let out manly sqeals of terror and get dust in my eye coincidently around the time other less manly people would be crying.

You should go to pool with karl sometime soon, I am going to go sometime when i figure how to get there and it'd be more fun if I wasnt the only person there not playing tournament, Besides I can teach you how to put hexes on all his shots to make him sink the white ball.

They have hotdogs there with bacon strips in them and fries and sour cream, over the top of it all they melt a blanket of cheese so you are left with a plate of hotdog shaped cheese mound and a smaller fries shaped cheese mound. That will put a whole new perspective on your unhealthy food.

[alexmoon.livejournal.com]

I'm convinced! How about sometime when the others are playing you can give me lessons? Apparently I'm meant to learn to play, so you could play with me and we could eat hotdogs and hex people.

Exciting, no?

[fatwalrus.livejournal.com]

Yep sounds fun! Cept If they still do them I think I will opt for the really tasy fish burgers they have upstairs and keep the cheesy grease dog as my second option. Hopefully I can borrow a car to go. What days do they play? Still Monday?

[alexmoon.livejournal.com]

Yup. But I won't be free on mondays til after 9ish. I think k. is up for pool just about anytime, though, so we could go to a different pool hall sometime, perhaps, where people aren't allowed to smoke.

[fatwalrus.livejournal.com]

okay, its not too bad for smokers normally usually the smoking is very rare and confinded down to the entrance, its just that it was a crowded night and the only table free was right down by the counter.

Well get carlos to talk to me on msn or icq (or if you use it add me) a time you guys want to go, im free all day tomorrow but i better not do anything till after 5pm cause im technically off work sick. Anytime this weekend is good though too. Ill have to arrange to take a car so i might need some notice.