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I'm spending at awful lot of time these days battling uphill to Make Stuff. Staring at sentences, writing a few words, deleting them. I get everything that I need to do done, because I always get everything that I need to do done (for a given definition of "need"). But it often feels like such a struggle. And the things at the edge, the things that I would like to do, the things that I want to do for me and not anyone else, they often fall by the wayside.

I have an awful lot to do over the next two weeks. I have this Big Project for work which involves learning a heap of new skills, and the Big Project is meant to be leaving space to publish, somehow. And hopefully I'll be moving house, too. And then once the creation phase of Big Project has mostly been completed, I have to actually implement Big Project, in between doing a heap of other work and preparing for a conference and, again, trying to fit in some publishing.

I need to get better at getting around the blocks I have to Making Stuff. I need to get better at finding my focus, and not just staring and playing type-and-delete-and-type. I have moments of this, sometimes, but it needs to be happening more consistently. I need to work out how to breathe and relax and let out the anxiety that trips me up.

Because I really do love making stuff, and this stuff is potentially good and interesting and useful stuff.
rhyll: (Default)
I had a lot of people-time this weekend, and it's been awfully fun. I've been hanging out with Office-Mate-Nath, who is lovely and clever and fun, and I also met her friend Helen, who is similarly wonderful. *waves* I've also had family-time, and not-so-new-friend time, and have felt terribly appreciative of the amazing people that I have around me.

Oddly, perhaps, my people-worry has also been rather high - I seem to be spending an awful lot of time fretting that I have offended people, or talked too much, etc etc. Increasingly, this seems like something that I really should work out how to do less. It is not the most fun ever.

I have been thinking that perhaps the reason I'm fretting so much is because my anxiety levels are generally high, what with the thesis-worry getting larger every day. I really do need to finish it soon. Hopefully now that I'm not teaching it will be easier to get on with writing.

Today I feel productive - I finished my marking, and now I'm going to do my Greek homework and then get on with writing. And I have an office-mate today, so the office doesn't feel all abandoned. Hurrah!


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July 2012

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