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rhyllinteresting few days.
a long overdue talk with julian, about my general restlessness and the feeling of change currently pervading my life. no closer to any sort of resolution there, but i do feel better about it all - talking about all this weird stuff in my head makes me less scared of completely losing touch with him.
also various arguments with mr wolf. which may or may not be productive.
and i'm trying to work out this relationship thing. by which i mean, whether or not i want one, at some stage. i'm fairly sure i'm not ready for one now, because although i can tell myself a lot of pretty stories about crockery and commitment, i feel like i'm still in a period of change and it's change-in-me, not really something that i can do properly in conjuction with someone else.
on friday night, i dressed up like a girl (albeit in big boots), dress and all. and i went out and danced and talked to strangers and had people tell me that i'm pretty and interesting. and it felt awfully good, to feel so invincible.
i worry fairly often these days that i'm being selfish and greedy. that i want too much all at once.
i'm trying very hard not to.
i'm trying to direct all my wanting and my restlessness towards craft and study. i'm taking baby steps. interesting new ideas for my project, i'm getting somewhat excited about it all. and i bought some wool and circular needles and a crochet hook today.
a long overdue talk with julian, about my general restlessness and the feeling of change currently pervading my life. no closer to any sort of resolution there, but i do feel better about it all - talking about all this weird stuff in my head makes me less scared of completely losing touch with him.
also various arguments with mr wolf. which may or may not be productive.
and i'm trying to work out this relationship thing. by which i mean, whether or not i want one, at some stage. i'm fairly sure i'm not ready for one now, because although i can tell myself a lot of pretty stories about crockery and commitment, i feel like i'm still in a period of change and it's change-in-me, not really something that i can do properly in conjuction with someone else.
on friday night, i dressed up like a girl (albeit in big boots), dress and all. and i went out and danced and talked to strangers and had people tell me that i'm pretty and interesting. and it felt awfully good, to feel so invincible.
i worry fairly often these days that i'm being selfish and greedy. that i want too much all at once.
i'm trying very hard not to.
i'm trying to direct all my wanting and my restlessness towards craft and study. i'm taking baby steps. interesting new ideas for my project, i'm getting somewhat excited about it all. and i bought some wool and circular needles and a crochet hook today.