on realising what i want

today i was bad, and failed to go to my weekly tutors' meeting.

and i did it entirely because i was talking politics with saul and nick, and i was enjoying it far too much to stop.

this is the thing i want, at the moment. i want to have interesting, in-depth discussions about books and politics and philosophy (and anything else going). sometimes i confused this with wanting to drink beer and talk to strangers, but i think i'm just getting confused because the usual situation in which i get to have these conversation involves alcohol.

i shall think further on this.