the heat! the horror!

[rhyll]

Just realised that I haven't posted in a while - how will my family know that I'm alive?

No new year's resolutions. Maybe I will get around to completing last year's resolutions. I give it a 50% chance. At least I am finally finished fiddling around with my computer, and it is working beautifully again. Turns out most of the problems I was having were just stupid things I had done. It always seems to be the way, and so I'm on the lookout for it - the problem, really, is working out which stupid thing I have done. But once I get my greek keyboard up and running (it is mysteriously absent), everything will be fine and I will have to start looking for a new thing to break.

Apart from that it is all about getting Everything back on track. I constantly have this feeling that I have almost sorted things out. But I never quite get there. Is this a thing you guys do, too? Immediate concerns are the looming Thesis Issues, but I am almost thinking a lot about how to adjust gears on my new (!) bicycle and how to be friends with people I approve of, in a pleasant way. Sometimes I forget what to do when you spend time with people (right now, Carcassone is winning). Sometimes I just forget that there are people who I should call.

I wonder if one day I will Sort Things Out in a sustainable way, so that they stay sorted?

Also, I was thinking that perhaps I need to sort out what sort of Grown-Up I want to be. Because I was being introspective again the other day, and it occurred to me that while I'm pretty clear on what kind(s) of kid (or even, *gasp*, young person) I want to be, I don't have a picture of "adult" that I feel comfortable inhabiting. Which is fine for the times that I can just be a kid, but sometimes I have to be an adult.

I really should be working.

Comments

Me too

[(Anonymous)]

Well - sort of, really. This, re. the last para.

I was so complete being a kid that I didn't have time to think what kind of kid I wanted to be.

Maybe I should just busy meself as an adult and not think about what picture I wanna inhabit :).

- The Sun

Re: Me too

[alexmoon.livejournal.com]

I guess the problem is when we get down to the whole 'everything is a form of drag' thing that we were talking about - even if your picture of yourself feels natural and you don't need to think about it, I still think everyone kind of relies on knowing what 'role' they're acting in.

But I guess just going with whatever excites/interests me could keep me going a while.

Re: Me too

[(Anonymous)]

Hmmm... but the best actors i see rarely 'choose' their role - they are driven to it by forces beyond the intellect. Follow your bliss, they say, right?

Maybe, Sky, the roles you see frighten you at some level because you see 'big' roles? If that is the case, you can go with what interests you for now, but you'll have to 'Step Up' at some time or the other :).

It'll be fun to see when that happens.

- The Sun

Re: Me too

[alexmoon.livejournal.com]

I don't know, I think I feel like all of the 'available' roles are either skins I don't fit into or roles I feel like I'm not capable of playing.

But it's reassuring that you think that way :)

[the-widow-black.livejournal.com]

Also, I was thinking that perhaps I need to sort out what sort of Grown-Up I want to be. Because I was being introspective again the other day, and it occurred to me that while I'm pretty clear on what kind(s) of kid (or even, *gasp*, young person) I want to be, I don't have a picture of "adult" that I feel comfortable inhabiting. Which is fine for the times that I can just be a kid, but sometimes I have to be an adult.

Know the feeling. Sometimes I think I want to be like one sort of adult and at other times another, and they're completely divergent so I should really make up my mind before I'm, say, thirty. Or thirty five, at least.