rhyll: (Default)
I'm spending at awful lot of time these days battling uphill to Make Stuff. Staring at sentences, writing a few words, deleting them. I get everything that I need to do done, because I always get everything that I need to do done (for a given definition of "need"). But it often feels like such a struggle. And the things at the edge, the things that I would like to do, the things that I want to do for me and not anyone else, they often fall by the wayside.

I have an awful lot to do over the next two weeks. I have this Big Project for work which involves learning a heap of new skills, and the Big Project is meant to be leaving space to publish, somehow. And hopefully I'll be moving house, too. And then once the creation phase of Big Project has mostly been completed, I have to actually implement Big Project, in between doing a heap of other work and preparing for a conference and, again, trying to fit in some publishing.

I need to get better at getting around the blocks I have to Making Stuff. I need to get better at finding my focus, and not just staring and playing type-and-delete-and-type. I have moments of this, sometimes, but it needs to be happening more consistently. I need to work out how to breathe and relax and let out the anxiety that trips me up.

Because I really do love making stuff, and this stuff is potentially good and interesting and useful stuff.

joy

Oct. 15th, 2011 10:29 am
rhyll: (Default)
I feel like I'm finding parts of myself I didn't even realise were gone.

Last night people came over and although I felt a little overwhelmed and anxious I was mostly just full of delight at the many lovely people in my life. There was ukulele! and dancing! and a gleeful singalong:



I spent a lot of the time bouncing around being silly (hopefully without offending anyone too much). I saw a few people I haven't seen in ages, and a few people who I never see enough of (including the lovely ones I see often and can't possibly tire of).

And after everyone left or went to sleep I did the dishes and swept the floor and picked up the last of the bottles (our lovely guests had already helped with the tidying).

This morning I pottered around in the kitchen and made everyone breakfast while our houseguest played ukulele, taking little breaks in between cooking to dance with J around the kitchen.

I'm lucky. And proud, a little, because I've helped to make this.

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rhyll

July 2012

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