a little scared
Jan. 1st, 2005 06:15 pmi worry that if i stop moving for too long i will sink into sky-of-two-years-ago. (she was not much good to anyone.)
i am not thinking much about massive asian crisis. not because i don't care. but i am limiting things to just thinking about what i can contribute, short and long term.
limited energy available for dealing with the outside world. i keep having dreams about j. missing him awfully. crying whenever i stop moving. lie awake thinking about him and wanting to call so much. still afraid i'm doing the wrong thing. rottnest didn't help. seeing simon again + last time i visited rottnest was with j. so many things remind me of him. aches.
not much good to anyone right now but i'm not going to collapse this time. staying very busy. fremantle today with mr wolf, and a little cycling. going cycling down south with kyle, which i'm looking forward to. i'm still a bit pissed off with dak, but i figure if i'm not going to bring it up and talk about it i just have to let it go. [trying hard to not be an angry girl again.] and brisbane - new and exciting.
i am optimistic that i'm maintaining a grip on things.
i am not thinking much about massive asian crisis. not because i don't care. but i am limiting things to just thinking about what i can contribute, short and long term.
limited energy available for dealing with the outside world. i keep having dreams about j. missing him awfully. crying whenever i stop moving. lie awake thinking about him and wanting to call so much. still afraid i'm doing the wrong thing. rottnest didn't help. seeing simon again + last time i visited rottnest was with j. so many things remind me of him. aches.
not much good to anyone right now but i'm not going to collapse this time. staying very busy. fremantle today with mr wolf, and a little cycling. going cycling down south with kyle, which i'm looking forward to. i'm still a bit pissed off with dak, but i figure if i'm not going to bring it up and talk about it i just have to let it go. [trying hard to not be an angry girl again.] and brisbane - new and exciting.
i am optimistic that i'm maintaining a grip on things.