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Sep. 12th, 2010 09:09 am
rhyll: (Default)
I'm back in Perth.

Last night was the first time since I left that I woke up disoriented in the middle of the night, confused about where and when I was, unsure about how the space around me fit together.

This morning I felt panicked about being back, about whether I can make sure that being here feels as wonderful as the last couple of weeks have. There have been many aspects that were difficult (particularly all my people-anxieties and my sense of inadequacy in the face of so much Awesome), but there is also a lot that I'm afraid of losiing.

I made lists in my head. What was the essence of the best of my time at burning man and the last few days in SF? Where are the places that it exists here? Projects that need work, communities that I am a part of, ways of living. Gifts, colour, surprises, connections, learning, exploring.

I know that Perth is full of excitement and adventure, full of Cool Things to make and do, and most especially full of people that I'm longing to spend time with. For now I feel a little overwhelmed by my return, unsure about how to handle it.

Today: unpacking and catching up on work and people, listing projects to come, making plots and plans.
rhyll: (Default)
I'm hanging out at someone-called-Ramon(e)'s house at the moment. We got all packed up on the RV, and I got to feel all intrepid and useful by climbing up on the roof and pulling bikes up (I think we're at around 12 now?) and strapping them on with Tim*.

The RV broke down going up one of SF's crazy hills. So we are now in this house, being hosted by some lovely people, with people who actually have mobile phones and friends and competence making decisions and trying to arrange trucks and cars and other ways of getting us and our stuff to the Playa. It's looking quite possible that this'll get sorted out in the next few hours. I'm feeling quite relaxed about it, because there's basically nothing I can do at this stage. So I'm just sitting back and trying to be reassuring.

* I am hanging out with a heap of people I've just met, all of whom are lovely. There is a Tim and a Star and a Kristen and a Matt and an Evan, and some other people whose names I've consistently missed.
rhyll: (Default)
So, I'm at some people's house right now, feeling very proud of myself because I managed to get here by bus without too much fuss. And I have most of the things I need, and a ukulele, and I am not (so far) paralysed with PeopleFret. The people are lovely, and they're lending me a bike, and our lift is on the way.
rhyll: (Default)
'm in San Francisco, ensconced in my hotel room. It feels very nestlike, tiny and cosy. A good antidote to the outside, where everything feels too big to me. Something about the streets and the buildings and the people that is just too big and which I feel very uncomfortable with. I hope it's just jetlag talking.

There are some cities I go to and love instantly, some I take a while to warm to, some I never get a chance to like. I want to like SF, but I don't so far. Tonight and tomorrow I'll do some more determined exploration of the areas that have been recommended to me, taking it cautiously because I feel like I don't quite know the codes here, what means 'safe' and what means 'trouble'. All the strangers who've talked to me have been trying to sell me something or have seemed kind of unpleasant or dangerous, so I kept walking.

There are a lot of homeless people around, a lot of people who look like their lives are hard and unpleasant with little hope of change. Australia's not perfect, but there's a lot to be said for our system of social seccurity. Or at least, a lot to be said for not having a security net with holes as wide as the US's.


rhyll: (Default)

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