Ambivalence

[rhyll]

I have been sleeping and sleeping, and feeling sick, and making todo lists in my head. I feel behind in so many areas, People notleast. I have been dreamy, wandering through the world unstressed but unmotivated. I have been worrying about money, and about the unsteadiness and limited respect and challenge involved in my current work choices. I have been fretting about whether I what I give to the world is equal to what it gifts to me. I have been excited and terrified of new adventures. I have had limited successes at being Grown Up (tax = done!) while failing at times (dentist = unvisited, pay office = unemailed). I have been failing to organise things that I really need to organise. I have been snacking irregularly. I have been delighted by the sunshine and the rain. By the people in my life and the things they teach me and the safe spaces they create. I have been writing small stories in my head and leaving them there. I have been worried about my awkwardness.